Sometimes a man (or in a guy’s case, a woman) you might never expect, can turn out to be the love of your life. But how would you know? No, it is not his bank account, how often he takes you out, the kind of job or career he has, if you both ‘clique’, or what he can do for you, as I feel personally that is in some ways selfish & short-sighted.

Though this is written from my perspective as a woman, primarily for other single women, I think men will find it equally intriguing, at least I hope. My own thoughts about relationships and men go further in-depth and one of the final chapters of “Sex & the Soul of A Woman” by Paula Rinehart is pretty much in line with my own feelings. It is a book that I highly recommend for ANY woman, as its focus is more on the reflection of our past experiences, the value or ourselves & our bodies, rejuvenation of our own spirits, our sexuality and how we regard ourselves as women, however, ‘The Good Relationship’ chapter touches on a few insights as we look to share our lives with that special partner, including:

First, answering the question, “Can I trust this man?”, will determine whether you feel you should give your heart in any significant way to this person. This is often something that takes time to sense and discern.

It’s also important to note if he does what he says and says what he means. Look for his words, his feelings and actions to all be inline. Do his actions line up with his words? Does he treat you like a man would treat a woman he really cares for?

One quote from the book states, “It’s amazing how much STRENGTH is communicated through the quality of humility and especially the absence of an ego that requires continual feeding.” When a man let’s go of his pride/ego, God gives him a kind of strength that is rooted in something larger than himself.

More than being attracted to you, liking or being liked by your family or friends, or respecting your career, does he simple enjoy you? Does he like you, enjoy your mind & spirit? All of us long to feel that someone knows us deeply and still loves us truly.

“To love a woman requires that a man move out of his comfort zone. To commit oneself to a woman is incredibly exciting and attractive and at the same time can be terrifying, so is he willing to take the risk for the sake of love?”

Rinehart shares, “I’ve known situations where a man will be wonderful in many respects and get close to a woman and then get scared and drop off the face of the world. Some will even get up to the edge of making a commitment to a woman he valued, but then back away from the risk that love entails.”

A man you can trust will respond differently. Even in his leeriness or hesitation, when it comes time to battle with his fear, he will face it and move through it & become stronger in the process. He won’t string you along.

Three key things:

I absolutely love the scripture, Proverbs 31:10-18, which details the highest ideals of a woman. I honor it so much so that I have a photo of myself, with that scripture transposed over it, which is kept on my vision board. It is a daily look at how I see myself and how I want to continue to grow & be as a woman.

It wasn’t until I read “Sex and the Soul of A Woman”, where Ms. Rinehart points out the significance of the first 9 verses of Proverbs 31, indicating essential attributes that depict a solid character in a man.

Verses 1-3 note that we should beware of men who are womanizers or need to continual attention of women. Even great men are destroyed when they cannot be alone and without a relationship. This is a sign of dependency. “A man who gives his heart to God first will be able to love and serve a woman without being dependent on her.”

Verses 4-7 express that a lasting relationship cannot be built with a person that is dependent on an addiction, particularly one controlled by a substance (ie. drugs, alcohol)

And verses 8-9, particularly speak to my heart as it rings true for something I greatly value in my own life. When a man has grown to a point where he realizes his potential, his purpose and wants his own life to have an impact on others for good, for a cause that is bigger that his own self-interest. This in particular give me crucial direction in discerning the kind of man to join me in my life as he is one that has moved beyond himself, knows he was put on this earth for more than his own pleasure, and invited me to join him in something larger than us both.

I reference this in one of my favorite quotes from Rinehart’s book in the post entitled “You…Your Path…is Perfect!”

Though this post focuses on what one may hope to discover in a man that you may share your life with, it is essential that us as women center ourselves on having complimentary ideals in ourselves. To have qualities in yourself that you that you desire in a partner is just as vital for a solid relationship, as well as imperative in insuring you are a whole and complete person grounded in a foundation in which you are ready for that right person and that relationship. I embrace Proverbs 31 as the kind of woman I seek & choose to be and I encourage all to read it. And if you like this post, you will love, Ms. Rinehart’s book, so go cop it today!

  1. The R says:

    To the last point:

    In this day and age, it’s not necessarily prudent for unmarried, childless men (e.g. me) to invest too much direct involvement in the development of minors; one is subject to inevitably be viewed as a Sandusky (and he’s married, even) or others, even when such is not the case. Women tend not to bear that burden (the woman from Oprah’s school in Africa notwithstanding: weird, right?).

    There’s more I’d like to accomplish, personally, toward the proper development of our youth, but I think it wise to wait, at least until I’m married (far-fetched, I know), to initiate some of it (youth camps, etc.). That “(child) sex offender” label is an ominous risk, and no amount of vetting in the world can remove it, once applied.

    There’s little trust in the “village,” unfortunately for good reason.

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