F7LN: Fredi Nyashia's 7 Loves..Nstruments of Nspiration

I remember the first time I saw my dad shed tears. I was 11 years old and laying in a hospital bed. A few days before, I had fallen off my bike and unbeknownst to us for days the impact of my handle bar hitting my side has punctured my liver and I was bleeding internally. The realization that if we had waited much longer to go see a doctor, I would have died was likely overwhelming for my dad with the thought of possibly having lost his baby girl. I was moved and in his tears I saw love.

My older brother Darrick for years had struggled with addiction both of alcohol and drugs. It started to show to me when he was around age 20 and I was 10. It wasn’t obvious or talked about with me around, but even as a child I could sense he was dealing with something. Times when he “messed” up and lost a job or wasn’t really around, though I didn’t know fully what was going on, I could sense his shame, as well as his struggle to get back or stay on the right path. I didn’t see tears, but when certain things happened, sometime he held his head low or he’d disappear for a while. Despite the highs and lows, our family loved him through his struggles.

My father was not tall in stature, but rather quiet but commanding, devoted, and a pillar of strength. And my brother was jovial, lovable, and yet intriguing from the viewpoint of a younger sibling. Growing up having witnessed 2 of the men closest to me in vulnerable moments, actually seemed not just normal, but I realize it’s impact allowed me to embrace it. In their vulnerability, I saw personal battles, despair, seeking help, fear, relief, as well as love. And what I most appreciate about having seen those things in Black men, was their honesty and authenticity while being able to relate and have compassion. It wasn’t until most recent years that I realized that my view of Black men’s vulnerability is very much the polar opposite of the popular society’s view.

I write this because of the following Facebook post that I found refreshingly honest and felt led to share and try to dig deeper.

I tweeted years ago “There is strength and beauty in vulnerability”. In particular, in a world that socializes men’s strength with being tough, hard, taking it, not crying, not showing emotion; to me the idea tying that to the vulnerability of a black man is not authentic. That is not REAL. Society associates vulnerability with only being weak, when in actuality if one shows his/her most authentic self (joys, pains, hurts, highs, lows), that is their most full and beautiful self. That is the complete picture, versus portions that people WANT to show or others WANT to see.

Interestingly enough, in a conference I attended this past weekend, the following quote was shared in a session led by my friend, Safiya Omosanya.

People have said, “Don’t cry” to other people for years and years, and all it has ever meant is, “I’m too uncomfortable when you show your feelings. Don’t cry.” I’d rather have them say, “Go ahead and cry. I’m here to be with you.” – Mr. Rogers

This quote begs me to ask the question, “What is it about the tears, emotions, vulnerability, authenticity of BLACK MEN that makes people so uncomfortable?”

In an effort not to turn this into a multi-page thesis, at this time I won’t delve into historical racism, various systems and other aspects of why even the mere presence or existence of BLACK MEN seems to make people uncomfortable, however, it is an attempt to answer this question from the perspective of Black women and overall we as Black people.

Often it is Black women or other Black men that have critiqued, disengaged, scorned, upheld toxic environments and contributed to Black men not having spaces to be vulnerable, but why?

One rationale is what feeds into the continual competition between Black men and women of who has it worst. With all the systematic entities that uphold not just racism, but sexism, class-ism, equity, and more that continue to impact not just Black men and women separately, they also feed into their continual divide and conquer, and as a result, us attacking as well as dismissing each other. Hence from a Black woman’s perspective, dealing with added challenges of her own, there is a de-sensitizing of compassion and understanding of what Black men deal with. That coupled with the societal’s view that “men are meant to be tough and can take it”, there is no desire to express empathy for a man when he does show vulnerability.

Historically, society seeks to and continually dis-empowers Black men and without truly understanding this, when a man is struggling to simply get a job or career, or protect his family, or provide for his family/children, if he expresses frustration, depression, being overwhelmed, those societal factors are not given consideration. As a result, the man is either blamed, dismissed as not doing enough, or looked at as if something is wrong with him for not being able to rise above these challenges.

But to look even deeper into why this is, is to look at people as a society in regards to what we accept, take in, and desire versus what we avoid. To be fake, put on a facade, hide the truth, not deal with deeper issues is easy and what we as a society embrace. Think about it. Instead of dealing with causes of illness, we address symptoms (look at cold medicine). Instead of addressing the source of depression, anger, feelings and emotions, we drink, party, have sex, use drugs, become work-a-holics and do things to numb ourselves to keep from addressing our pain and other issues because it’s easier. When it comes to our BLACK MEN and their needs, emotions, struggles, and more; to actually engage in those conversations, to listen, to face what it is they truly have to say…not only do we possibly fear that, but it may be hard to hear what they have to say especially if it shines a light on others behaviors or lack of wanting to address. To do those things is hard, so the easier thing is to just say “man up”, “what are you trippin’ about”, “y’all think you have it hard, what about me”, which ultimately deflects from going deeper, truly creating a space for Black men to be vulnerable, and actually dealing with it all.

We don’t want or like to see pain, hurt, hardship, failure and various so-called “dark” facets, but in seeing them, we are faced with needing to address them and often times it means 1) addressing those things in ourselves or 2) facing how we have and/or still are contributing or perpetuating them. And those 2 things, make us as humans very uncomfortable.

Like in many arenas, we as humans don’t like being in spaces that are uncomfortable, however, it is in those spaces that growth and change take place. To see Black men not being able to or no longer desiring to express feelings or things they are dealing with because of the reaction of others, is not acceptable. We can’t continue to alienate, emotionally castrate, and devalue their voices. Through their laughter, tears, hugs, smiles, plans, dreams, ideas, tweets, posts, barber shop & street corner conversations, and so much more, they have POWERFUL perspectives, and insights to share…if we are willing to listen and respect. To embrace the vulnerability of Black men is essential, not only for Black men, but for us all.

Escape To Miami Triathlon turned out to be my first race I’m not sure how to feel about. I mean the event was well run, organized, a great race and heck..it was in Miami. It was my personal experience and performance that I’d have to say was a whirlwind literally and figuratively.

Throughout the weekend, the winds in Miami had been increasingly high from the Atlantic Ocean’s tropical storms that though they were hundreds of miles away still impacted the area. The day before the race participants are required to rack their bike and just riding 3 blocks from the bike shop to packet pick up, a gust of wind nearly threw me off my bike. From this alone I started to feel a little disheartened about the race.

If you have followed my triathlon journey for the last few years, you will know that the swim portion still creates levels of anxiety for me. So, to know that the winds would not only impact swim conditions, but to see how it could potentially also create havoc on the bike, things began to look real grim. Seeing the choppiness of the water on Saturday with wind gusts from 25-40 miles per hour, I knew going into it, I would have to focus to get in the zone.

Rising at 5am the morning of the race, I went through my typical prep and headed to Margaret State Park to set up in transition. We could see that the waves were still rough. I knew then I had made the right decision to do the Sprint distance instead of Olympic.

With Olympic distance waves starting at 7am and Sprint distance waves starting at 8am, I had a bit of time to observe with me having a 8:30am wave start. During that time I ran into Max Fennell, the first Black professional triathlete, who I’ve had the chance to talk with at this year and last year’s Chicago Triathlon. Max had just tested out the Sprint distance swim and told me it was “quite choppy”. Needless to say, it was what I figured, however, I had to get my head in the game because unlike Chicago Triathlon where the conditions called for a cancellation of the swim, the swim for Escape to Miami was a go.

By the time, I was lined up in my wave and a couple of waves in, I set my game plan to remain calm and swim boat/canoe to to boat/canoe (as Coach Mo) would say. Unlike previous triathlons where I had a running beach start or treading start, this was a jump off the pier and go (3 at a time every 5-8 seconds). Holding onto my goggles as a jumped in and went under, I concentrated on getting to surface and into a smooth rhythm. Having done South Beach Triathlon the year before, I was quickly reminded how buoyant the ocean water was. Oh, and did I mention that the water was 79 degrees, so though I’ve never worn a wetsuit, no one else was wearing one either as it was not legal at this temperature.

Though choppy, I was steadfast with my bilateral breathing, just turning a little more on my right side. Eeeing the waves were coming from that direction pushing us into the shoreline. At times I could feel my heart race a little, but that self talk back to calmness was easy knowing that this was a shorter swim.

It seemed as though I was swimming better than usual as I was passing people, but that was just what it seemed like as later comments from other participants indicated many people had a longer than expected swim. For the Olympic distance participants, the NE wave were pushing them in, whereas for us Sprint distance participants, we were swimming against the waves, until we turned the last buoy.

Once out of the water, it was dash into transition, which took longer than I’d like as I really need to work on my transitions. I didn’t know what to expect on the bike with the winds, though they eased from the day before to 15-25mph. Things felt pretty good at the start of the bike, however, once I approached the first bridge, the head wind and the long upward hill slowed me down to 8mph. The plan of attack was whenever the wind was not gusting, I had to make up ground. By the time I hit that same hill on the way back, my legs were pretty warmed up so it didn’t seem as taxing. So much so that at point, I surprisingly got up to 31mph with the wind.

The second transition to the run went smoother as usual, however, my plan of attack for the run was soon foiled. Though I got into a relatively nice pace to start around our first turn not only did we hit a bridge with a seemingly even longer uphill slope, but the head wind added to the challenge. By the time I was midway up, while many individuals were walking, instead of pushing it, I focused on relaxing so I didn’t exhaust myself or overheat.

After hitting the turnaround, it was key to gear up for saving something for returning to the the alternate side of the same bridge. I tackled the hill by using other runners as goals to surpass so that by the time I reached the downhill, it was smooth sailing back toward the finish. As usual, I saved enough for a kick to the end.

After reviewing my results, I saw the choppiness of the water made for an inefficient swim. My typical open water pace of around 3 minute/100 meters was a 4 minute pace. And I thought I had a pretty good pace relative to the conditions. My bike pace, as well as my run pace were also disappointingly slower, though compared to the field, it was competitive enough for a 6th place AG and 36th overall female.

So, interestingly enough I really don’t know how to take this race. I missed all of my marks for what I would have liked to do, but it was definitely a learning experience. And after that swim, simply completing it, I feel like I can almost swim in anything Lake Michigan could throw at me…ALMOST!

Overall, Escape to Miami was a great experience and I’m sure I’m looking forward to racing and more in Miami soon. Until then, it’s on to the next race!

Photos in gallery by Year 60 Photography and FinisherPix

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Sunday, June 23rd was Olympic Day, which celebrates getting active and living the Olympic values…we work, we play, we dream, of a better self, or a better world. And in realizing that it also kicked off National Triathlon Week, it was a fitting day for me to race the Pleasant Prairie Olympic Triathlon.

Being the 2nd triathlon of my 2019 outdoor season, there was a mix of excitement, nervousness, and wonder about feeling ready for the Olympic distance race. Though with years of racing sprint and indoor triathlons, this was only my 5th Olympic triathlon (in the last 3 years 2 were altered/shortened due to weather). Having just done one 2 weeks prior, I felt a little more at ease even without having had the opportunity to do any open swim practice or much outdoor biking.

As I got closer to the hours and minutes prior to the race, I often have reservations about the swim because mainly its a longer open water distance that takes me out of my comfort zone. Another factor is that without wearing a wetsuit, the water temperature is a factor that can have me second guessing.

The water temperature was a tolerable 68 degrees, so by the time I hit the water, I wasn’t thinking much about that. I’m often trying to focus on my approach and with the first 400 meters of my last race being one that I had to get on my back a few times to relax, my race plan was to go out taking it nice and easy. I stayed toward the back of my wave and started with relaxed and steady strokes. I had a nice fluidity as I rounded the first turn buoy of the triangle of our swim route. Shortly after turning though, I felt alone as I didn’t really see swimmers around me. It’s funny how I like to not have a whole lot of people around close to me, but I also want to have people in a relative vicinity so I still feel like I’m swimming with people.

But need not fear, because no sooner than as I was starting to get in my own head having a ‘Jaws’ replay moment, the following wave of men had caught up to me. By the time I got around the 2nd turn buoy, I felt another wave had caught up to me. Then there was a mix of the Olympic distance triathletes combined with the sprint distance ones and all of a sudden the once calm Lake Andreas seemed a bit choppy. However, by this point, there was only a nice straight-away to the finish, so at that point, I was picking up speed so I could get to the swim finish.

By the time I approach the beach to step out, I was actually a little dis-oriented from the waves as well as the rush of compacted swimmers all exiting the water. But it was a matter of focusing, transitioning, and then on to the bike.

Starting on the bike, I had a rush of energy where I was spinning 17-20 mph, however, who knew how windy it was to be that day. There was quite a bit of head wind throughout the route. And for a good middle portion of the route, the hills/elevation was no joke. Still early in the season, this race definitely was motivation for more hill work.

With a smooth transition from the bike, I often have a ‘its time to go to work’ attitude, when it’s on to the run. I typically hoan in on my run, because I often see it as an opportunity to make up for being a slower swimmer. Having not had as much consistency in my training runs this season, I focused on an initial good pace but relaxed a bit so I could maintain.

Overall, the race felt good. Typically, I think of myself as a turtle in the water, but I’ve been working on my swim and am feeling more like a seal..lol. I’m pleased that I’ve broken to getting under a 3 minute pace per 100 yards for my open water swimming. Getting that in a pool is one thing, but to be get to a 2:40/100yd is something I’m very happy about. I have a bit of work to do on the bike and even my run to match goals I have set, but to have a PR for this race is definitely encouraging and motivating.

See more photos from Pleasant Prairie Triathlon
Photo credit: Year 60 Photography

“It’s just those rainy days…til the sun comes out and shines again…” – Mary J. Blige ft. JaRule. When this song came on on the ride back to Chicago, I had to burst out laughing! Yes, indeed it was a rainy day.

I must say that the usual build up til my first outdoor triathlon of the year, had it’s usual characteristics. Slight anxiety over not having had even 1 outdoor swim before hitting open water in a race, continual days of rain with limited outdoor biking, and just not feeling as prepared as I’d like were just a few of them. With it being a very hectic time of the year for my work responsibilities, my training hasn’t been as consistent as I’d like. This weekend’s Grand Rapids Triathlon was to be a litmus test to see where I am and what improvements I will need to make to hit goals.

After years of racing Sprint distance triathlons, to start off the year with an International/Olympic distant race (of which this was only my 4th, 2 of which were shortened due to weather), this would be an interesting test of my endurance & resolve. The optimist in me had hoped for a brief sprinkle for the rain predicted the hour before the race was set to begin. It seemed as though it would be the case until about 6:30am. Then the downpour began. Just as this and the narrow and awkwardly long transition seemed to be a damper, to hear that the water temperature was 71.2 was the most encouraging news.

As I typically do, right before the race I was replaying in my head my game plan for the swim. Don’t go out too fast, focus on a rhythm, if needed get over on my back and breathe, look at the buoys to see my path, focus on you, a brief prayer and acknowledgment that God’s got me, and then it’s time to go.

Six of us from Infinity tri fam were racing, 4 of which were in the same wave, and it’s always encouraging to have teammate & family support.

With pause in the rain & the completion of countdown to the swim start, our wave, which happened to be the last, headed out. I opted to let a few people behind me past and not to try to go out with the general line of folks in front of me. Arms, legs, maneuvering around folks only serves as a distraction to me from getting into my own zone. And even still for the first 300-400 yards, I tried to take it easy to get into a rhythm. Though I wasn’t fighting the water, I seemed to be over-exerting myself and was not in a comfortable rhythm. I got on my back about 3-4 times to simply breath and relax. Though negative thoughts at times creep in my head on the swim, that’s when the self talk begins. “I’m not being pulled out of this race”. “Just get to the turnaround and you can coast on in”. “You can do this”.

And of course, one of Coach Mo’s last text stated “On Sunday, just think of the first 3 buoys as warmup.” Well, I guess he was on point because it took to about the 3rd buoy and then I found my rhythm and was focused and in my zone. Within the somewhat ‘U’ shaped path we took, by the time I reached the 2nd turn around buoy, I felt pretty great and like I was picking up speed.

Upon re-hitting the shore, I could mentally exhale, and it was time to make up lost ground not being a fast swimmer. However, with it raining off an on in sections on the bike course, many of us take heed on the bike for safety reasons (slick or wet roads are not ideal).

Knowing that I need more consistent training rides, I still wanted to try and push it to see what could do. It felt pretty good to ride a relatively flat course with a few rolling hills. It was a quiet, wet, periodically raining, straight shot out and back.

Returning to transition to prepare for the run, thoughts focused on the slightly different feel of doing an Olympic-distance triathlon versus a Sprint. The first 3 miles were within my relatively acceptable pacing with how I was feeling, however, I started feeling a cramp in my side so I tried to take it easy. The last 3 miles weren’t my best. Anytime I stop even briefly, that is not typical. A little hydration and my first try at pickle juice was an attempt to ease my cramp. Yet, I did say this race was a litmus test, so though this was not even close to my best nor near my average runs, this was a good thing. Sometimes having a race that is not ideal or even bad race is motivation.

This race set a foundation for me to get my training up to where I need to hit my marks. And at the same time, believe it or not, this race was a PR for me. Though not that disappointing since I’m a strong runner, my run was 2 minutes slower than my past Olympic triathlon. However, with a similar bike and transition times, guess who cut almost 7 minutes off her swim?

As thrilled as I am about that, putting all three together for my upcoming races is the goal! So, let’s gooooo!

Well, I guess it’s that time. For the last week or so, it’s been increasingly on my mind…oh, how 4 years can seem like only 4 days or 4 minutes…

There are certain visuals and emotions from then that are permanently seared in my mind & heart. Though I think of my dad very often, this time of year for the last few years have had a particular resonance. I’ve had these thoughts before, but never put them to paper or keyboard, but it seems like the time to release.

To actually watch a loved one physically pass away is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The idea of being there to provide comfort or see them through to the final breath seems like a good one, but to actually witness the physicality of it, I would say for me was traumatizing. To see the man who represented love, strength, devotion, authenticity and so much vitality slip away was almost unreal. Without being graphic, seeing what the body does, what cancer did, in those final moments was not peaceful. And needing to be the strong one, not wanting the only other family member in the room, my mother, to see me cry and knowing I had to be there for her (as well as to my dad) was important.

I knew even then, that it would be a while before I would really get over witnessing life leaving the body of a man who carried me on his back and took me to the park when I was child, as well as could sit in a room with him silently watching the History Channel and feel like we had the most robust conversation.

His final breath on Friday, May 14, 2015, was a culmination of a week of very spiritual occurrences. It still amazes me how the week beforehand, when the doctor at the hospital said dad had a few weeks to a few months, I remember thinking “well, he doesn’t know my God”. Being the realistic optimist, and spiritually grounded person that I am, I went into the next couple of days not knowing how little time he had left. Transitioning to the hospice facility, which was gorgeous, and in retrospect, was peacefully fitting for the care dad would need. He had been alert and talking, however, by Monday, he mainly acknowledged us and visitors by slight head nods.

It was only then, that it began to seep in, that those “few weeks to months” we were told, would actually be only a few short days. For those next days, staying in the hospice room where I could see dad staring up at the ceiling, I wondered what he was thinking. Though not very physically affectionate, I remember at one point wanting to resort back to being a little girl and lay next to him, cuddled under his arm, but instead a sat in a chair holding his hand and prayed.

That Tuesday/Wednesday, I woke up in the middle of the night. Mom was asleep on a couch in the room. I felt compelled to walk over to dad’s bed and hold his hand. I’ll never forget that night. Though many may not believe in our connection to the spirit realm, I’ve long embraced it as other relatives previously passed. The following may seem crazy to some, however, in the time I was holding dad’s hand, I felt the presence of others in the room as well. I had on various occasions previously sensed my dad’s mother, Ma Maude often since her passing 10 years ago, and on that night her presence was there almost as clear as day. Her along with my dad’s dad, Grandpa, my great-uncle Henry, my brother and seemingly others that I couldn’t identify. It felt as though the spirits of passed family were coming to comfort and assure him in his road home. (Whew, as you can imagine, I’m in tears writing this).

For a while I was just quiet, but felt a sense of peace in the room. For those that knew, Fred Allen Holloway, you knew that he was quiet, and though not very tall in stature, had an strong unassuming presence. In the final months dealing with health challenges, he never complained, never acknowledged any pain or difficulties, and honestly, you never would have known what he was dealing with until the last 2 weeks. He was always there for everyone else and in being “our rock”, it became clear to me what I needed to say.

I had previously hoped we could do or find some regimen to fight what cancer was doing to his body. In my prayers, I knew God was listening and hoped His answer would be ‘yes’. However, in that moment that night, I accepted what was to be so. And while holding and caressing dad’s hand, I leaned towards his ear and told him, “Daddy, it’s ok. You can let go..you can rest”. I imagined he would concerned about my mom and things she had been dealing with and I wanted to assure him. And then I told him, “I got this. We will be alright”.

..and two days later, he was gone.

I often don’t share in this way because of the positive and uplifting person I seek to be. Well, I’m sharing this other side of what it can be like to grieve or miss someone no longer being on this earth. One reason is because its real. Death and loss is at times very difficult and has long lasting impacts. It’s important to recognize, accept and embrace all shades and sides of it.

Typically, you will see me sharing even about this experience from a space of gratitude. I recognize we miss loved ones and long for them to be with us, but as I often say..my dad was God’s first and foremost. And I’m simply grateful He gifted my dad to me for the almost 40 years I was blessed to have him in my life. For that is time that I will always cherish.

Though this time of the year can be challenging in remembering this time 4 years ago, it pales in comparison to the the days, weeks, and years of time, experiences, words, memories shared with my dad. And if anything, out of respect to his legacy and being his child, his namesake, like him, I embrace that quiet strength that he always had. And I’m grateful to him for giving that to me…and so much more.

Over the last 12 years of racing triathlons, I’ve often spoken on my own experience of observing the transformation of individuals that participate in the sport now versus when I first started. Around 2007, it appeared there were very few individuals that looked like me that participated in triathlons. Though I was inspired by my college roommate and best friend, who is a powerful African American woman and now IRONMAN, in many of the races in which I competed, there were very few people of color.

In recent years, not just in the sport of triathlon, but also cycling, running, marathon racing, and even swimming, I’ve seen an incredible influx of people of color participating in these sports. And yet, one of the things that has been disturbing to me has been the representation or lack thereof in the depiction of them in these sports overall.

I’m very much self-motivated, so throughout the years, for me it has been about growing and improving in the sport of triathlon, while also inspiring and seeking to trail blaze by showing others, in particular African Americans and women, do swim, bike and run. I’m aware that others like me that are increasingly competing in marathons, triathlons, IRONMAN races, and more, however, why am I not seeing them depicted or celebrated, particularly in media outlets that cover these sports?

For 2019, some of the things I’m seeing and have become a part of speak to my desire for not just inclusion, but also honoring the variety and talent within these various sports.

This year I am a member of the ambassador team for Chicago Athlete Magazine, a publication that depicts, covers, and informs athletes and readers about various sports, races, events, training, groups, resources, and more in the Chicago-land area and beyond. Previously seeing limited depictions of athletes of color in various print and online media, being a part of this team fulfilled a deep set desire for me. I have embraced an increasing sense of responsibility for me to not just be a strong ambassador representing the magazine, but also an opportunity to emphasize what has been overlooked in the portrayal of the diversity of various sports.

In particular for the sport of triathlon, USA Triathlon released early this year their strategic plan for 2020. The plan includes a mission, vision, guiding principles, and areas, in which the organization seeks to focus and grow. Part of the growth area includes diversity and inclusion of the triathlon community of both women, as well as under-represented communities (of color and socio-economic status). It also seeks to explore outreach to communities or runners to increase their participation in the sport of triathlon.

As someone who has long wanted to see this, I find myself in the unique position to advocate for what USA Triathlon seeks to accomplish, as well as serve as an individual to promote representation as an ambassador for the sport. For me “diversity” & “inclusion” are not just a terms to give the appearance of embracing other people, but to truly seize, recognize, and showcase the talents and abilities of what is not the norm.

Time to Tri is a new initiative and strategic joint effort between USA Triathlon and IRONMAN, to grow the sport of triathlon by proactively recruiting and supporting athletes as they train for and compete in their first race.

I’m looking forward to continuing to inspire and bring new athletes to the sport of triathlon, but also to illustrate the transformation of the culture and participation within the sport, as well.

I was recently nominated to participate in a 10-Day Movie Challenge on Facebook by a college buddy. Ok, it’s taken a few weeks for me to have a moment to accept, but I thought to make this a post for a key reason. First, let me say that the challenge is to post 1 image per day for 10 days with no explanation from movies that had an impact on me, as well as to nominate someone else each day. After reflecting on a few movies, I decided to blog about it to share why I chose these movies, as most of them are symbolic in representing 1) my perspective on aspects of life, 2) people and things I’m passionate about, and 3) in some ways my personality and experiences. So, let me go ahead and jump in… (Note: these are in no particular order)

The Neverending Story

Including wanting to ride on Falcor myself, this movie was one of the most impressionable movies of my childhood. With so many impactful messages, even watching this as an adult, it proves to be inspiring. I recall as a child the story-line encouraging imagination and dreams, as well as, my love for reading. However, the underlying messages of “not giving up”, “knowing you are never alone”, “the power of spoken words and speaking it into existing”, and “doing whatever you dream” planted seeds in me.

Queen

This adaptation of the novel based on the life of Queen Jackson Haley, Alex Haley’s paternal grandmother has probably been one of the most profound movies to shape my perception of slavery’s impact and precursor to what we see today in the portrayal of black women, interracial relationships, and the black family dynamics. It is the reason why for the longest time I refused to watch the tv show Scandal, as well as other shows. It provided a baseline for my critique of the messaging and propaganda we see in media today, as well as the lack there of, of varying depictions of African American culture. Trust me we can have a real in-dept conversation about this movie and its correlation to society today.

Electric Boogaloo: Breakin 2

Ok, I will be the first to admit, that there are arguably more culturally conscious movies depicting elements of hip hop, like breakdancing, graffiti, and the like, with Beat Street, Krush Groove, Colors and Do The Right Thang, to name a few. And perhaps living in the suburbs between 2 worlds of attending predominantly white schools and growing up in a Black neighborhood was the reason I seem to love Breakin 2. I mean EVERY time I went to my cousins house, who had the movie, I watched it…lol. I also think because I was so little and it was a feel good, as well as I had been taking ballet, tap and other forms of dance so I could relate to the lead female Kelly, it was part of why I enjoyed the movie so much.

Amistad

When I was 16 years old, my interest in my family tree led me to become in some ways our family historian. Tracking and gathering information on cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents was something to which I was dedicated. A few years later, after watching Amistad and the connection to our homeland, it stirred a resurgence in my desire to see how far back I could go to track my family origins. The story of Cinque not only painted a picture for me of various countries involvement in the slave trade (Spain, England, Mexico, US) and the intertwining of people and cultures, African, Puerto Rican, Native American, African American, and more, but also instilled in me a desire to travel to Africa, specifically Ethiopia, to see and know more.

Lean On Me

It’s difficult for me to choose any 1 favorite of almost anything, however, this movie comes pretty close to being a favorite of mine. So much so, it is one of the reasons Morgan Freeman is my favorite actor. My parents were both Chicago Public School teachers, and my father, though he was no “Crazy Joe”, he was a well respected teacher in how he managed his classroom anf his understanding of how to educate Black children. He could have been a principal if he had chosen that route. When I was young, I once told my dad he should and he responded with “they’d fire me after 1 week”. Being unconventional and nontraditional spoke to me in many ways like how Joe Clark impacted his school. To this day, I’m so moved when I watch my favorite scene when the young men sing the East Side High School song in the bathroom.

Hidden Figures

Though already a mature adult the day of its release, it’s impact was not so much for me, but for what I have longed to see more. I grew up watching Wonder Woman and the Bionic Woman on tv and though they depicted strong women, they did not look like me. And being a person who has loved math and science, which was not encouraged for girls/women, it definitely wasn’t promoted for African American girls and women. To see a film depicting brilliant, intelligent, and strong women who were among the team that made one of our country’s greatest achievements possible was a moment of pride. And to have this film in my repertoire to share with upcoming girls and young ladies, as well as to hopefully see more images as well as stories of our hidden contributions is priceless.

JFK

Not many know, but you can call out the conspiracy theorist in me because of this movie. JFK was eye-opening for me. After seeing it, I read and studied the book. This is one movie I had watched so many times thinking how could the American public at the time believe this “magic bullet” theory. And yet, it didn’t stop there. This movie launch my searches, viewing, and assessments of the killing of Dr. King, Malcolm X, Medgar Evars, Bobby Kennedy, and especially 9/11 documentaries and films. Thank you History Channel, A&E, PBS, Youtube, Netflix, and more. I guess there is no harm in posting, because I honestly believe the FBI/CIA track my online viewing anyway, so they know how many 9/11 and other documentaries I still watch to this day. And just so it’s stated, I’m not a terrorist or studying to be. I’m someone who seriously questions various entities in power, their motives, and their ability to act out hidden agendas, even if it means destroying vast numbers of people. I’ve grown skeptical of the management of our food industry, health industry, FDA, NCR and more, and it began with the film, JFK.

Love & Basketball

It seems a lot of Black women I know liked Love and Basketball. Many have called it a favorite. With a variety of romance, sports, and a 90s flavor, I can see why. I can say I liked this as well, however, this movie impacted me for a very different reason. This movie was released right after the end of over a 4 year relationship with my first love and the man I thought I was going to marry. Oddly enough you’d think I wouldn’t want to see a movie with a love story at that time. After talks of marriage and a hiatus which led to an ending with no reason or closure, I was left in shock, hurt, and numb. I believe watching the movie, though gave me a hope for love in my future, it tapped into that numbness so I can begin the process of grieving and then healing.

Hidden Colors I-IV

I’ve spent over the last almost 20 years reading books from historians, professors, lecturers, and more like, Josef Ben Jochannan, Chancellor Williams, Anthony Browder, Barashango, and others, after seeing how most of our history as Black people, especially that which illuminates our highest potential, was before slavery. Unfortunately, many of us are not aware, accepting or seeking that fact. The fact that we are still fed limited or misinformation in schools, as well as most representation and knowledge of a more complete picture of Black, African and African American history is not widely promoted, to see the release of Hidden Colors I, II, III & IV, I found to be a true treasure. For those that haven’t read such pre-mentioned books, this documentary series shines a light on many of the accomplishments, depictions, events, from “our” story and perception. Having had the opportunity to screen portions of the first of the series to a group of 7th graders was impactful for them to learn stories never shared with them before. It allowed them to learn how powerful of a people we have been, truly are, and can continue to be, yet in determining our future, we must know and embrace our past.

Jesus of Nazareth

To say that the story of our Lord and Savior is an epic one is an understatement, yet to have seen this movie depicting the life of one who I read about growing up left a significant imprint on my life. From biblical reading, to church bible study, to attending Catholic school from 1st through 12th grade, the film gave a powerful visual depiction of what I read & grew faith in since I was a child. It has served as a reminder of how much God loves us, his willing and sacrifice to become human to save us, the example he was/is, and the hope for days ahead and transition to after the journey of life on this earth is over. This movie is one I still watch from time to time to this day.

When you’ve known someone as multi-talented as Erica Faye Watson and have seen her accomplishments, you can’t help but say “yes, that is one dynamic woman, right there!” Entrepreneur, comedian, actress, director, writer, blogger, featured columnist and contributor are just handful of roles, she has held over the years.

First meeting Erica at the University of Illinois at Urbana/Champaign, even during undergrad years, she was wearing multiple hats. Juggling academics, while producing and directing shows, videos, and projects were an art form to a woman who would later venture out onto the national scene. As her career blossomed, in 2009, I had the pleasure of catching up with her and seeing her hilarious one woman show “Fat Bitch”, as she toured across the country.

In recent years, many recognize or know her from either her appearances on NBC’s “Chicago Fire,” Fox’s “Empire,” or her film credits including Spike Lee’s “ChiRaq” or the Oscar Nominated “Precious”. It’s delightful to see her in the mornings on ABC Chicago’s “Windy City Live”, where her personality, humor, and insight are true to the very woman she is. So, recently when she announced a knew endeavor, as always, I was excited to see what was to come.

This past November 2018, Erica launched a new make-up line entitled, fierce. She has introduced to the world an initial assortment of lip colors, highlighters and more. This past weekend I had a chance to try out her new line.

While at Nena’s Cosmetics in the Fashion Outlets of Rosemont, IL, I had the opportunity not just to get some goodies in person, but also to get a makeover and capture the look. Cicara, a wonderful and extremely talented & professional esthetician and Nena staff person, created this wonderful look for me.

I was so impressed with the fierce. line that I could not wait to share this. And as always when I see a sista doing amazing work, I can only imagine where Erica will take this new endeavor.

To check out or purchase fierce., visit: https://www.nenabrands.com/fierce-erica-watson

Also, to stay tuned into the latest about Erica, you can follow her at:
@fiercebyerica
@miss_poundcakes

I often talk to my Black brothers, and no matter if single, married, divorced, young, or old, I’ve listened to them express feeling undervalued, ignored, hated, unsupported, and attacked. The way society and media in general often depict, negate, ignore & minimize them & their greatness has been something I often speak of and have been truly passionate about for years. I dare not make light of the plight of us women nor various issues that have plagued our communities, and yet it is not often enough that I see the championing of Black men.

And I don’t mean in the sense of our reaction to the school-to-prison pipeline or to Trayvon Martin, Laquan McDonald, and other deplorable killings. I’m talking about proactively acknowledging, uplifting, and creating spaces online, in media, in our homes, at work and our communities, for Black men to be positively represented, heard…loved.

Late last night I was playing the song “U Will Know” by Black Men United, that I’ve loved over the years and always has touched me and sparked me to write this post. There are a few people that inspired this as well, but I will speak to that.

Outside of Father’s Day and a few headlines that acknowledge them, it seems rare to see Black men celebrated, their challenges discussed or addressed, perspective respected, and to see us women simply being proud, acknowledging all that they do, supporting, and spiriting them on to continue in the path God created for them.

My big brother from another mother, Khalid (a social worker, counselor, & mentor for young brothers, sisters & families) throughout the years, honors a Black Woman of the Month/Week on his Facebook page, by putting a collage of photos of a specific woman to celebrate. Last week he posted for seven days “Celebrating Black Men Week” while posting about Black Dads, Black Celebrity Men, Dr. King, and more. I couldn’t help but think, why don’t I see more of this…intentionally celebrating and honoring Black men, and even everyday fathers, brothers, uncles, and the like.

Though the first year I started this blog in 2012, among my first posts was “My Love Letter To Black Men”, yet as in anything that I’d like to see change of more of, I recognize I must be willing for it to start with me.

Listening to the song, I got teary-eyed thinking about my god-nephew, Tyler, who is raising a young 1 year-old son. It moves me to see him, at age 21, seeking to be the best man he can be, especially for his son. And I also think about my nephew, Darius, who I couldn’t be more proud of, a college graduate, now married, raising his 3-year old daughter. For all you powerful men raising children, mentoring our youth, studying in school, being activists, writing books, supporting wives & families, ministering in church, serving our country, coaching teams, operating businesses, teaching, creating, empowering, inspiring, loving and so much more, these lyrics I pray that despite life’s ebbs & flows, inspire & encourage you. And that you know how valuable, valued and loved you truly are.

Your dreams ain’t easy
Just stick by your plan
To go from boys to men
You must act like a man
When it gets hard, y’all
You just grab what you know
Stand up tall and don’t you fall

And you will know.

And even still…in the song, it is stated “you must act like a man” and then “stand up tall and don’t you fall”. What does that truly mean? My challenge is that we typically think of a certain strength and character of men (versus being a boy), but that doesn’t mean you can’t show hurt, pain, tears, anger. There is a certain strength in being comfortable in expressing how one feels, and to be honest, often we as women don’t always allow for you to do that. And at times we ALL fall. Those are the learning opportunities in life. Though we may try not to fall, which speaks to doing the best we can, but when we do fall, look and embrace the lesson from it, as well as the journey of life itself and then truly YOU WILL KNOW.

Dedicated to the one who has been the most influential man in my life, my dad, Fred Holloway.

I typically end each year posting my year’s top or favorites list. In the past, it has been either the year’s books, music/albums, movies, or some variation. As an expression of gratitude for all that this has brought to my life, here is my top 7 personal moments of 2018. I pray that not only will it inspire YOU to reflect on cherished moments of your last year, but also to look forward to future plans, dreams, bucket lists, goals, and people in your life for 2019.

#7: L.E.A.P. Women’s Empowerment Conference
I previously posted about participating as a panelist for the L.E.A.P. (Ladies who are Educated and have A Purpose) Women’s Empowerment Conference. This was an amazing day and event. I love volunteering at career days and speaking engagements, especially opportunities to engage with our youth (particularly young ladies). This event was special because it was filled with discussion, sharing, inspiring and touching our youth, while also networking and connecting with fellow colleagues, business owners, educators, mentors, and overall dynamic women.

6: Return to GCYC
I’ve worked at the Gary Comer Youth Center (GCYC) in some capacity (contractor, programming, evaluation, membership, staff, volunteer) since the building opened and it has been a blessing. It has always been my passion to work with youth, while also give back and contribute to our community. This past summer at the annual GCYC Career Day, I was happy to be able to announce that I would be returning to work there as the Youth Employment Manager. In this role, not only it is an honor to work with youth, but also to assist them launch their dreams and goals in areas where they can use their knowledge, skills and talent in the form of jobs, employment, and career opportunities.

#5: Meeting Allyson Felix

I am inspired by quite an array of people and every so often I’m blessed to meet those that are renown across the country and even around the globe. As an triathlete and runner, quite a few through the years, including Flo-Jo, Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Carl Lewis, Gail Devers, and Michael Johnson, are a few track and field stars that are amongst those I’ve loved to watch.

In recent years, the journey of the dynamic Allyson Felix has been amazing to see. This past February, I could not have had a better birthday gift than to have the opportunity to meet her AND actually hold one of her Olympic medals. She is delightful, humble, and incredibly sweet.

I want to send her best wishes into 2019 as she has recently announced and revealed the blessing of her new baby girl, Camryn! And to see Allyson open up so much personally has been refreshing, allowing people to see even more of her inner beauty as a woman and now a mother!

#4: 30 Days of Self Love
I’m often so much more comfortable as a giver to others than to focus on giving to myself, so to take on a 30-day “Self Love Challenge” was very different. I learned to see it as necessary to regain perspective on myself, my value, as well as, actions and people that don’t served my purpose. Taking time to do the things I grow accustom to doing for others and redirect to doing them for me was renewing. I even shared some of those moments with others, in hopes to inspire them to embrace, give to & love themselves. Writing myself a love note, gifting myself flowers, making myself a gift, sending myself an “I love you” text, were all pretty powerful in acknowledging my own worth, keeping the bar high for my own expectations of what I give as well as desire to receive, and embracing that self-love, as well as, God’s love, allows us to be so filled that we can continue to give to the world.

#3: Trip to Miami for South Beach Triathlon
I’ve previously been to Florida, but Miami was new to me and an amazing time! This was my first destination race..the South Beach Triathlon! It was six days to prepare and pursuit my first outdoor race of 2018, first triathlon post-bike fall, surgery & rehab (to see my progress), have an awesome photo shoot with someone special, remarkably talented and fun, and enjoy the artistic side and sites of Miami! And yes, I had a BLAST!!

#2: Gatlinberg with Family Ziplining
There is nothing like time with family.. especially with those you don’t get to see very often. This past summer, my mother’s side of the family had a phenomenal trip to Gatlinberg, Tennessee. One family all under one roof in a large cabin decked out with multiple rooms, pool table, jacuzzi, games, small theater and more. We had fun cooking, shopping, walking, and exploring! And of course the thrill-seeker & challenger in me had to do something extraordinary while knocking out one of my bucket list items. Yes, I previously have done a form of zip-lining, but it was one line across and back at a museum. This time I got to go on a full course, high in the trees. And though I still kind of have a fear of heights, I had to just suck it up and go for it. Not only did I enjoy the course, I got to do with with one of my adventurous cousins, who serves our country in the US Air Force and I don’t see often and admire! Him, his wife, and I were the 3 musketeers zipping across like big kids!

#1: Good Morning America w/ Michelle Obama
Indeed a true highlight and recent buzz of excitement was being face to face with our beloved First Lady, Michelle Obama. And as if being in the same space was thrilling enough, to also be on live television with her as she responded and answered a question for me, was a moment beyond moments. It was a blessing to be at a live taping of Good Morning America in Chicago as she recently launched her book “Becoming Michelle Obama”, and have Robin Roberts introduce me while asking her a question. And in Mrs. Obama smile and response, she demonstrated how gracious, personable and engaging she truly is. And yes, I’m still hoping the 2 of us can travel somewhere fun together as indicated in her response. Hey, a lady can always dream, right?

Click here to see the full GMA interview of Michelle Obama

The Vulnerability of Black Men

Escape To Miami Triathlon…A Whirlwind Recap

Olympic Day & Tri Week Kick Off: Pleasant Prairie Triathlon Recap

Rainy Days & PR: Grand Rapids Triathlon Race Report

A Deep Breath…4 Years Later

“Diversity” & “Inclusion” More Than Buzz Words in Athlete Representation

10-Day Challenge…A Reflection

Introducing… fierce.

Beloved Black Men..You Will Know!

Top 7 Moments of 2018