Sorry, it has been a while since I’ve posted, but I do try to focus on posting when I really feel led & inspired about a certain topic, event, experience, and the like. It has been a few months and then something that happened tonight sparked me to share what manifested.
It’s been a while since I’ve had one of these types of conversations with my mom. Over the years our difference of perspective over many things like how I wear my natural hair, the decision to leave a stable corporate I.T. job to start my own businesses, to taking less paying opportunities to work with youth and communities and more, needless to say, have made for debatable discussions or lack there of.
This attachment is a snippet of tonight’s interaction:
As I read this short transcript, I can’t help but laugh in observing how my questioning responses have a way of redirecting what someone wants to place on me, but more importantly challenges their views, reasonings and assumptions of me and my life.
With my mom, I’ve long accepted that her being who she is and her perspective are not necessarily going to change. The expression ‘set in ones ways’ often come to mind. And yet I embrace her & her expressions, as someone from her view, who wants to see what she thinks is best or what she’d like to see out of love for me.
And I don’t necessarily disagree with everything she desires. I wouldn’t decline receiving more money in life? And I look forward to relationships, husband, children and more family.
Where we don’t connect is the necessity to have that and to have that now to be happy, successful, fulfilled, and enjoy life. That is what I think she doesn’t understand. And no matter how I’ve tried to explain it, how long I demonstrated who I am and how I live my life, it seems difficult for even a person who loves, supports (in various ways), and adores me, to not be so blinded by what they want to see to make me happy over the joy & gratefulness I have in simply being me.
I share this for 2 reasons & 2 types of people.
One, for many that think, feel, want something in their life or in others lives to be different or longing for something in hopes to come. It is natural to have desires, however, to give so much power to what isn’t or isn’t yet that you can’t cherish, be grateful, enjoy and appreciate what is, will leave emptiness. Why should we be given more or something different if we can’t have joy with what we already have. I know this isn’t an easy space to be in..it takes time, growth, maturity, and often life experience to get to. And like many spaces in life, it is a journey.
The second reason is to challenge us all to continually assess our perspectives of life and all that lies within. Our view of things like what makes us happy and why, how do we determine what is success, beauty, purpose, why do we really want the things that we do, why are we doing (career, education, family) what we are doing, and is there more that this experience of life could be trying to reveal to us, about us, about others and about life itself ?