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To the fathers, sons, brothers, nephews, uncles, grandpas, husbands, boyfriends, friends, mentors…Last week I wrote this simple letter to express love and appreciation of Black men and recorded it, and I decided to share it with you…

Spoken over two beautiful piano pieces, the music of:
‘De Novo Adagio’ by Alicia Keys (off her “Girls On Fire” album) and
‘Transition In Blue’ by 14KT

Get “Girl On Fire” album – Alicia Keys and read my review
Check for upcoming music by 14KT & get last release “A Friendly Game of KT”

This past week I participated in a conversation on “Setting Boundaries: How Far is Too Far? In Love, Sex & Relationships”. A few of the things we discussed included types of boundaries: physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and sexual. We talked about why it’s important to set boundaries, specifically in dating or the development of a relationship, as well as our personal experiences and what happens when we don’t have them or uphold to them.

I have noticed a lot of females, as well as men, in my life have been dealing with pain, anger, resentment from relationships, desires for their future. We all have probably in some form have dealt with that. I see a lot going on with the dynamics between men and women and where often our connections, communications, and relations with each other seem to grow more distant and spiral into more pain, hate and brokenness. I think it’s important to deal with pain, healing, and focusing on being complete and renewed in heart and spirit, but I wanted to focus on once we are in a space of being open and whole, how do we not fall into the patterns of our past…by setting and adhering to our expectations & boundaries.

Ok, so here is where I’m gonna keep it real…

I’ve had boundaries in my life. For example up until age 19, I was sticking to the no sex before marriage. Well, like many others be it temptation, curiosity, trying to please someone else, or whatever, little by little it became difficult to uphold to the boundaries I set. And yes, I fell into relationships that included sex. What happens when we stop sticking to our own boundaries, we open ourselves up to accepting things we shouldn’t which lead to situations & relationships that are either unhealthy or leave us hurt & in pieces.

One of the things that is challenging particularly for women is feeling that if we don’t do certain things with or for our guy, he will leave and get it from someone else. That may be true but if a man is truly meant and desires you, your heart, your mind, your soul, he’s not going to run to someone else. He truly wants you. And we all deserve someone who truly wants to be with only us. It’s a challenge to wait and it’s also hard once you’ve particularly begun to like or open your heart to someone. This is why it’s just as important to have emotional and spiritual boundaries, so you can truly discern if this person is really for you. It’s also hard because we are sexual beings and have desires and longings that are perfectly human.

To be honest, as a single person embracing celibacy, I’m nervous about when I actually do get involved with someone. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m not really a person who goes out on dates. I like things to be more holistic in my interactions (ie friends, relationships). Particularly now, I seek discernment and God’s voice in knowing what’s meant with a person I’ve met or have connected with. But I am human! I am a very romantic, affectionate, loving person.

So, I decided that my homework was to create a list of boundaries or expectations for myself and decided to share:

Physical
– Going out in public vs being at a home..at least the first 3-6months
– Not laying in the same bed
– Waiting till I KNOW that this is a Godly relationship before kissing or hugging
– Treating our bodies like the temples they are, eating healthy & exercise

Spiritual
– A man who loves & seeks after God more than he does me
– Being equally yoked, Christian man
– Someone who seeks to bless & inspire others
– Someone with whom I pray together with & both attending church

Emotional
– Waiting till I KNOW that this is a Godly relationship before getting emotionally attached
– Equal give & take (not a one-sided relationship or friendship)
– Someone who acts in a spirit of love

Intellectual
– Being socially, culturally, and spiritually conscious
– Knowing our gifts and using them
– Seeking after knowledge & wisdom
– Engaging in work that applies the wisdom/knowledge we have
– Being able to connect and share our knowledge & experiences, we both bring things to the table

Sexual
– No sex (oral, physical, hands, etc) before marriage
– No heavy or under clothes touching
– Someone who embraces a spirit of love not lust

* I figure creating and posting these will help keep me accountable. Feel free to create and share/comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts..please be honest…we can keep it real!

As 2012 comes to a close, you’ll see lists of top movies, books, music and more, in review of this last year. I decided to start out with my top 7 businesses of 2012. To come up with this list, I looked at those whose products and/or services really impressed me and have that special something that has me continually returning or wanting to go back. I focus not so much on big chains and stores, but some that are more boutique and original. These are businesses I have grown to love, truly support and would highly recommend. To be honest, for each one I have to exhibit a serious amount of discipline to ensure I don’t give them all my money as they are that good…lol. So here’s my top 7:

Brown Sugar Bakery – Chicago, IL
Website
I was originally hooked on Brown Sugar Bakery from the moment I tasted their caramel cupcakes. I’ve found myself treating myself and others to their variety of cakes, cupcakes, pies, cobblers and cookies not just for the holidays, but birthdays or even a special treat on a regular day. The sweets are dangerously addictive. Owner, Stephanie, one of the sweetest and most down-to-earth people I know, not only has me loving her apple & peach cobbler, but in the fall/winter season, she got me hip to her sweet potato cobbler. If you’re looking for custom cakes for weddings & birthdays, holiday desserts, or just want to appease your sweet tooth, this is the place to go.

Bandera – California, Arizona, Illinois
Hillstone Restaurant Group Website
This restaurant will probably stay on my top and favorites list, because the food is so good. Located on Michigan Avenue, it’s a pretty exclusive place with an amazing view of the Magnificent Mile and an alluring atmosphere with occasional live jazz. The menu is relatively simple, yet refined. One of my favorites is their huge handmade veggie burger, like no other and better than any cheeseburger or turkey burger I’ve ever had. Their cornbread has actual pieces of corn in it and compliments their chicken chili. Other highlights include the salmon, rotisserie chicken, mashed potatoes, and house-made Oreo ice cream sandwich. This is a great place for dinner, date, or to pick up a cocktail.

Akira Clothing – Chicagoland Locations
Website
Akira is one of those shops that I hate to love, because if I go in, I’m bound to come out with something. Their various locations cater to specific gear including Akira for Women, Akira for Men, and Akira Shoes & Accessories. This is one of my favorite spots because I can find things I won’t find anywhere else. They have some of the coolest and unique garments and pieces. You can go in Akira and find things for special occasions, to enjoy the weekend clubbing, sundresses, distinctive body jewelry and much more.

My Day Spa – Canton, MI
Website
Experiencing a professional massage at My Day Spa, was an experience like no other. I still can’t even describe how relaxing, therapeutic, and amazing the Swedish massage made me feel. The interior is gorgeous and co-owners Kendrah and Kendall have created an atmosphere of peace and tranquility from hot tea to the mints to even the cozy bathrobes (which though may not be for sale, I still want one). The staff is very warm and Kendrah was especially gracious the weekend of my visit. They have various events and spa parties, as well as a variety of packages and products, including their own private brand of skin care products, KJSkincare Essentials. If you need a place to unwind from stress, this is where you want to treat yourself.

The Bongo Room – Chicago, IL
Website
Breakfast and brunch and The Bongo Room, is not your average eating experience. If you go there to get plain pancakes, you are seriously cheating yourself. Each seasonal menu has a variety of different pancakes and waffles, (ie. pumpkin, apple, cheesecake, gingerbread), drizzled/topped with crèmes, anglaises, coulis’, and/or fruits. I’ve had the pleasure of having dishes like Red Velvet Pancakes w/ Vanilla Bean Bioche, Raspberry and Crème French Toast, and their Vegetarian Croissant Breakfast Sandwich. Every season (Fall/Winter or Spring/Summer) they come out with a slightly different menu introducing new dishes. Both locations are very popular especially on the weekend which comes as no surprise because the food and service are superb.

A’Gaci / O’shoes – New York, Illinois, Tennessee, Florida, Texas, Arizona, California
Website
A’Gaci / O’shoes is one of those stores that turns someone like me, who’s not the biggest shopper, into someone who’s found a clothing store that is hard to stay away from. For someone who is not trendy, doesn’t like to look like everyone else, and likes clothes that are different and unique, this is the place I go to find that special something. They have some unique dresses. One I specifically rocked on my birthday. I like shoes but I’m not the kind that has a closet full of them, though one day in O’shoes I found myself leaving with 3 pair of shoes. Throughout this year, I’ve bought quite a few items that are favorites in my wardrobe. Their clothing and accessories are very affordable so you can splurge a little.

Onehourtees – Chicago, IL
Website
Onehourtees is the only place I’ve order specialty t-shirts from in the last few years, particular for my youth organization. Owner & CEO, Ryan and his staff, have always come through for my orders. This year they embarked on a new location and now have mobile t-shirt printing for birthday parties, corporate & sporting events, and more. Their inexpensive fees and the variety of t-shirt and clothing for print makes them the place I favor for any custom designs. They are very thorough in how they process orders and receptive to various types of orders to meet your needs.

* * * * * *

I wanted to also include a few businesses to check for in the upcoming year. Each one offers something unique that has me looking forward to what they will be bringing in 2013. Having had a glimpse of what they are doing, I’m sure I’ll be buying and supporting these listed below:

Peace Images Jewelry – Atlanta, GA & various
Website
Twitter
If you love unique pieces that speak to your soul and a cultural consciousness, you will love Peace Images Jewelry. As an African American woman that celebrates our history and culture, I’m always inspired by these creations. Owner and designer, Camille is not only a beautiful person; the beauty of her spirit is captured in the art of her work. She is also a true go-getter as you will find Peace Images at various events and traveling throughout the U.S., as well as the online boutique. You can always look forward to something incredible when a new line or item is launched, so definitely keep an eye out for some fascinating pieces to come in the new year.

Petals Studio – Memphis, TN
Website
Twitter
Petals Studio is doing some remarkable things in the world of floral, decorating, and interior design. I have seen some of the most stunning flowers and accent for weddings, parties, corporate events, windows and door décor, and so much more. Owner and creator, Nakeisha, has a way of beautifying and accentuating a simple fixture, bouquet or piece of furniture. Bows, bells, flowers, balls, netting, candles, you name it; they have what you need to re-create the ambience of a space or room. If you’re especially looking for a way to jazz up your holiday decorations or event, as well as planning for a special affair for 2013, look no further than Petals Studio.

GetOnDown – Online
Website
Facebook
As a lover of music, I’m so digging the latest items released by this “collective of music nerds, heads…creative types”, Get On Down. They have the coolest and most unique packaging and marketing of music items. I have to say I truly missed out by not getting Raekwon’s ‘The Purple Tape’, which was the latest big buzz item. Next year I’m looking to get that Pharcyde bundle and was impressed by the DJ Nu-mark record player needle-shaped USB flash drive…that is just hot! I’m definitely gonna be checking to see what they are coming with in 2013.

Under Pressure Ink (Michael Demps aka IX Lives) – Los Angeles, CA
Flickr Gallery
Twitter
In the world of art, you will often find a variety of individuals that have distinctive work; however, Michael Demps as Under Pressure Ink has some fascinating pieces. I’m a big fan of 3D and multi-dimensional (in space and meaning) artwork. His ‘Ones and Zeros’, ‘Pray Prey’, and ‘Soul Our System’ pieces are truly extraordinary. I’ve only had the opportunity of viewing his work online, so I can imagine how amazing it would be to see and have some in person. I hope to make it to an upcoming showcase and get a few items, as he’s definitely an artist (both visual and musical) to watch in the next year.

Park 52 – Chicago, IL
Website
Interesting enough, after bringing in the New Year last year at church, my next stop was Park 52. This restaurant not only has great food, but is increasingly becoming a location for celebrations, parties, and events. It has a sophisticated and alluring décor and atmosphere. Becoming a preferred location for promoters and event planners as one of the few elite locations to have events on the South Side of the city, I look forward to seeing what new things they bring in 2013.

Continuing from part one of my exploration of the book “Conversations With God: an uncommon dialogue” by Neale Donald Walsh, I delve into the concept of life as a process of going from self-knowing to self-actualization, experiencing that which you already intrinsically know…not to learn but to remember Who We Are.

The book explains life as a continuum. In order for us to experience something, we have to experience its opposite. “you cannot demonstrate love until you can demonstrate not loving. A thing cannot exist without its opposite.” The experiences of life can take us through the range of polar extremes. In Walsch’s words, the evolution in life is “knowing, experiencing, being.”

This is true for all people, therefore it is the reason we should not condemn or judge others. Envy vs. success, calamity vs. joy, depression vs. happiness, sickness vs health, selfishness vs. generosity, harm vs. help…all these we should not judge or question in others, as we know not how they are being used in another person’s life (as part of God’s plan). Rather we should focus on our own counsel and allow others theirs.

“For each circumstance is a gift, and in each experience is hidden a treasure.”

Walsch moves on to ask “what is hell?” In response, hell is explained as not a place but rather “the worst possible outcome of our choices, decisions, and creations…the opposite of joy, un-fulfillment…knowing Who and What We are and being less or failing to experience that.”

When I think of all the bad things that happen in our society, I see how they are all manifestations of exactly this description of hell. When someone says the term ‘hell on earth’, it’s what we create when we are being less than Who We Are. Murder, rape, sickness, violence, drama, jealousy, etc all manifest from this, but in order to remember, experience, and be Who We Are, we go though experiences of who we are not.

The ultimate goal of our soul is to realize itself while we are in body and to become the embodiment of it through our experience of life.

This is why life (even with all the pain, trials, misfortune & tragedy) is perfect in its process. The book explains that “all life arises out of choice.” And it shouldn’t be questioned because “its purpose is to do whatever might be done to assist the soul in seeking and making a higher choice…Know that their choice is perfect for them in this moment now-yet stands ready to assist them should the moment come when they seek a newer choice, a different choice-a higher choice.”

This is why we say God’s plan is perfect. In essence, each of us, each soul must walk its own path to know, experience, and be Who We Are.

We tend to say things are “right” or “wrong” but even this is a judgment, an assessment of what we think should or shouldn’t be. Truthfully this is what causes pain. When we remove this judgment, we no longer experience pain. It is the essential lesson in acceptance. Yes, even murder, death, sickness is not intrinsically right or wrong. It is what life uses in each individual’s experience to determine and demonstrate Who We Are…our path to God.

Since in this life experience, God gives us the gift of choice, therefore we become “creators of our reality.” Life becomes an experience of what we think. Our thoughts are the first step in what we create.

*Walsh outlines three laws:
1. Thought is creative.
2. Fear attracts like energy.
3. Love is all there is.

He explains that love is the ultimate reality. Fear is at the opposite end of love. When we choose only love, we experience the Highest truth, our Grandest self…we experience God.

‘Walk In Love’ piece inspired by 2 John 1:6

I wasn’t going to post this, but after what just happened to me, I felt it laid on my heart to share this testament to how walking in love and trust allows God to bless us and reveal how awesome He is…

Yesterday, while having a lot on my mind & parking, I swiped another car. I remember thinking, ‘oh please let it not be noticeable damage.’ Well, the side of my car, after rubbing it, has a dim barely noticeable mark. Upon checking the other car, it had a very small mark & dent.

Here I was, with no one around, thinking this was the last thing I needed to deal with and could easily keep it moving. But my conscious told me “Fredi, you need to do the right thing”. Of course that voice that says “I don’t have the money for this”, “I don’t know whose car it is”, “It’s not that noticeable” was trying to talk me out of it. But my spirit said “walk in love not in fear”. So I wrote my name & number on a sheet of paper and stated boldly to please call me. I made sure to secure it in the window and just waited.

Overnight I tried not to think about it and just hoped the person wouldn’t notice or call. Sure enough this morning, the owner of the car called. I told her I had accidentally swiped her car, asked her to get an estimate so I could pay her for the damage, whatever it cost. (I didn’t want to go through my insurance; you know how those rates go up).

I felt really bad after she told me she just got the car on Thanksgiving. However, she was amazed that I even left my information, acknowledged it and wanted to take care of it. I understood because many of us have come back to our cars with dents or scratches and no word from anyone, especially in these tough economic times. Though she kept trying to commend me, I told her it was the right thing to do and that I really felt led to and specifically told her I chose to “walk in love and not in fear”.

We spoke for quite a bit and she told me that I truly ministered to her in some other areas of her life by saying those words. It felt good to share with her and after hanging up I just would wait for her to get the estimate and pray that somehow I’d figure out how to budget for this unexpected expense.

After some hours, she called back and said she didn’t get the estimate, but that the dealer said it would probably be a few hundred dollars. She told me that my words resonated with her and since it was such a small dent that if it turned out to be just a few hundred she would just take care of it herself or even not worry about it. Needless to say I was shocked. After asking her if she was sure, I told her to call me either way just so I know things work out and that I would at least want to treat her to lunch or dinner.

After hanging up, I got teary-eyed and knew instantly that I needed to share this as a true testimony to how we can be blessed if we truly trust God and walk in the spirit of His love. Fear told me that I couldn’t afford any more costs, I didn’t want to acknowledge my wrong, I didn’t want to deal with this, but in choosing LOVE, God took care of it.

I hope this blesses you, in that you may be dealing with or torn in making a decision you know is right. Walk in love and do what it is you know your heart & spirit are telling you. Though sometimes it is hard, I pray we all learn more and more each day to trust and to choose to walk in LOVE each day.

I pray that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and is enjoying time with family and loved ones. Often during the holidays I think of loved ones that are no longer with us, especially my brother, Darrick. Yesterday while playing games with the family, particularly his son, my nephew, things would remind me of him. He was the only person whose trash-talking and instigating during cards, board games or even watching sports, that could get under my skin..lol. However, it also made me think how during these moments when the family is all together, it’s a great time not just to enjoy them, but also learn and find out more about the family and your history.

When I was 16, I started doing research and putting together our family tree. Visits to Mississippi, New York, San Antonio, along with letters and talks with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, opened up a whole new world of information about our family.

This is something I highly encourage. Even if you aren’t the one add visits to court houses, Department of Vital Statistics, and the like to do research, it’s a good opportunity to put together questions to get to know family members in a different way.

A few weeks ago, while visiting my parents, I asked my mom a few interesting questions that I never asked before, such as:

– What was your best and worst memory growing up?
– What were your favorite things to do as a child?
– What’s the one thing you want people to know about you?
– What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment, most proud moment, and future goal you still have?

This is a great way to talk and discuss more personal things with family. You can print them out in a survey and pass around or even better record their responses on video.

One reason I began doing questionnaires is because unlike my father’s side of the family, which had a lot of old photos and documents, my mom’s side didn’t. So, I decided to create some in their own writing, with their own thoughts. Doing this allowed us to have these interesting documented records of our family. Even in reading some of the surveys and letters now, years later, it’s pretty cool to read the answers and share with cousins the thoughts they had back then. You can even add putting together a booklet with the questionnaires and letters, a family scrapbook, or family presentation to share online.

Here is a copy of a questionaire I put together and had all family members complete, feel free to download, use, or even editted it with your own questions. Family Questionaire

And every time the family gets together you can add more or just go through and look back at some of the past things you’ve created. I love going through my scrapbook and family files. One of my most cherished things is the 2 silver dollars my dad’s father gave me when I was 10 that were issued the same year I was born. I even remember him giving them to me. And it just makes you smile to think of the memories of those who are no longer with you and be able to share that with the family and the next generation.

No matter how you spend your holidays, just take time to be present in the moment and cherish each other…

Be blessed.

Some youth interviewed me yesterday and asked me why I work with kids. This along with many questions and advice I am often asked prompted me to want to share my perspective and thoughts on starting a business. This will be one of a series of posts where I hope to provide some insight from my own experience so feel free to email, tweet or comment with other questions or things you’d like me to include.

For those who may not know, I began a web company called Innovatec Services in 2003. The following year I developed it into a full marketing and technical consulting firm, also making it an LLC (Limited Liability Corporation).

I will say this, in starting a business, you should either 1) be thorough in doing your homework in how you want to set up your company or 2) have a designated lawyer and accountant to advise you. This is important if you are truly serious about being in business for yourself. I chose to do both. I wanted the advantage of truly understanding what I was doing, how I wanted it to be setup and why. A lot of MBAs I know say the truest way of earning that degree is actually starting your own business. I’d have to agree. After doing my own business registrations, licenses, articles of organization, acquiring EIN #, developing internal business documents (contracts, agreements, etc), acquiring my clients/customers, setting up and doing finances & taxes, you just about learn everything they teach you in acquiring an MBA, but also have the experience of actually doing it versus simply learning about it in the classroom.

Now, not everyone may be interested in completing all that paperwork, doing your own Quickbooks, and the like, which is why if you don’t, I say at least have your trusted advisors that can help you make the best decisions for what you want to accomplish. I’m not going to give the whole breakdown of sole proprietorship vs LLC or getting a trademark vs servicemark. You can and maybe should do that research so you truly understand the differences. I will say that for me, though it may cost a little more, I wanted the flexibility of an LLC because you never know who you may later want to be involved in your business or how the structure may change and I also didn’t want to have any liability for people to come after my personal assets in the event of some outstanding circumstance. I think if you’re serious about being in business for yourself, it’s important to be informed of these things.

I will also say that there are a few things that are key in moving forward:
– Having a business plan. Even if you’re not presenting to anyone, it’s always good to have a write up about your business. Writing it out allows you to clearly define & understand what it is that you/your business seek to do, offer or accomplish.
– Having basic marketing. At the very least, you should have business cards with a designated phone and business email. I can’t tell you enough how many people have told me they don’t even take people serious who don’t have this. Some even feel a website is necessary so they can see online what you do, especially if you don’t have a physical location they can visit (ie. store, restaurant)
– Having existing clients, previous experience or work. This is almost like common sense. How many of you would pay when you haven’t already seen proof of that person’s or business’ work? Ideas are nice, but portfolios, samples, previous work, customer recommendations all serve as endorsement to encourage people to do business with you.

These are simply fundamentals and for those that are interested in the area of non-profits, this is even more essential. The reason I say this is because, people often think of nonprofits as a way for people to contribute and donate money for a cause, issues, or need. However, it is still a business.

Like my for-profit, I started my non-profit in 2005, InnovaTeen by learning and doing the ins & outs of setting up the business. Doing that 50-page 501(c)3 paperwork, paying the $500-$1000 fee, establishing a curriculum, marketing, admitting youth, creating documents, and more was not a walk in the park. People often think of non-profits and think to present a proposal for people to invest or get grant money to help them get started. Honestly, I tell people it’s the other way around. START actually doing what it is you seek to do, set up your business, and then people, organizations and companies may invest. If you need help to get your business off the ground, you can try to use resources around you, but I often ask people “Would you invest in something for someone if you didn’t see that they did or could themselves?”

With InnovaTeen, I had a proposal and curriculum and took that to a few community organizations that needed youth programming. I already had connected with an organization that gave computers to schools & organizations. In exchange for space at a park district and agreeing to work with their youth, I brought in computers, my curriculum, invested in materials/services and promoted to get a set of 12 teens and did a pilot of 15 weeks of this program. That’s how it began and from seeing what we were doing, people became interested and it grew from there.

Having an idea on a sheet of paper is nice, but the best way for others to see your vision, is for you to already have something tangible or that they can see. That gives others incentive to want to support you and your work.

Well, this is some basic & initial things to help those that are seeking to branch out on their own get a little jumpstart. However, I definitely can go deeper and get more detailed for those that may have specific questions or want to shoot out their thoughts and ideas. Again you can comment, email me at fredinyashia@f7ln.com or visit Innovatec Services, LLC or InnovaTeen online.

Don’t just reach for your dreams, put them into action…

Be blessed.

I was just thinking the other day about how I missed my hair. No, I haven’t cut it off or anything. It’s just with my triathlon season and recent photo shoots, I’ve been enjoying the pleasure of enhancing (adding) hair so I don’t have to wash and style it all the time. It’s great to have braids, twists, etc when you’re working out, especially in swimming, to avoid damage and spending so much time doing it.

However, I must say, I love my hair! I’ve had my natural hair for about 11 years and believe it or not, I’m still learning to do fun things with it. I decided it would be cool to share some things about natural hair. (Above are pictures from a span of time in the early years of growing my relaxed hair out). I’m all for if a woman chooses to relax her hair, color her hair or wear weave if she chooses, but it seems as though more sistas are embracing their natural coils and I love it. Honestly I prefer natural hair simply because I think its healthier and for me I like the diversity of being able to afro puff it, twist it, braid it, straighten it or whatever. But as you can see from many of my pics, I also love adding hair for exotic styles or for convenience while being active.

I do like length and have a head full of shoulder-length hair, but another thing about being in the Midwest, the cold is horrible on my hair. It makes it very dry and breaks, which is why I often have braids/twists in the winter and do as little as possible styling.

Either way you rock your crown, I think the most important part is accepting who you are and having a positive self image. It disturbs me when I hear a young girl or women say the term “good hair or bad hair”. I think all of us have good hair. To love and value how we look on the outside as well as inside is part of loving the complete person we are.

So here are some things I like to do with my hair:

Styles:
– Two strand twists (with or without hair added)
– Afro puff pony tail (blowed out) the fuller the better
– Straightened with a flat iron is cool but I hardly ever do it because it requires a lot and doesn’t last too long
– Interlock braids (gives my hair a rest while still having cute curly style)
– Corn rows braids in the front with two-strand twists in the back

Products:
– Chi Silk Infusion (I swear by this product to coat my hair and makes it easier to comb & manage)
– Kinky Curly Leave In Conditioner (another product that makes it easier to comb)
– Pure Coconut Oil (I love massaging my hair with it)

I’m still learning and trying new products myself. We all have different types of hair and different products work differently on our hair. Please feel free to comment with your own product or style recommendations, thoughts on hair, likes, dislikes, and suggestions.

I decided to really open up in this post so bear with me. To do so out on the World Wide Web for everyone to see/read is a little intimidating, however, part of the reason I created this site was to use my life’s experiences that it may bless others, so here goes…

Relatively recently, I’ve been really hurt by a situation. An individual I love and care about deeply did something that I still don’t even understand. I’ve never been one to hold grudges. One of the things I’ve always embraced is that no one is perfect. Truthfully, the people we love and value the most are the ones likely to hurt us the most simply because we love them so much. If someone we don’t know very well did something to us, it doesn’t impact us in the same way. Not that I expect it, but I’ve come to realize that at some point, people close to us or treasure the most may at some point hurt us. We’re human, we make mistakes. At least I know I do. It’s in being able to get & look past these faults, circumstances and painful situations, where we discover authentic love.

The longer we hold onto anger, resentment, hurt, and hate, the more we carry around the baggage of that one incident or situation. A long time ago I began to tell myself, “I’ll be darn if I let one person, one event, one thing that happened in my life, keep me from the beauty, blessings, and the amazing possibilities of my present and future.” Not that we shouldn’t learn from our experiences, but I didn’t want to carry weight from my past into new jobs, new friendships, new relationships, and each new day. So, for anyone that may have hurt you, a loss of a loved one, or anything that has caused you pain or sorrow, it’s important to be able to allow love into any spaces negativity.

Read 1Corinthians 13: 5 &Matthew 7:2, Love holds no record of wrongdoing and the measure of which you hold someone to, someone else will also hold you to.

I was thinking about how much God loves us. We make so many mistakes, have such sinful natures, heck some of us don’t even acknowledge Him, but yet He still loves us. Some of us may be thinking, well, I don’t know if I can love like that. I can understand. I’m not saying hurry up and get over things that cause you pain & distress. Sometimes that takes time. I’m simply expressing that when we are able to forgive and to accept our frailties and shortcomings, we reach a certain freedom to give and receive loving without conditions. We’re able to embrace a level of peace in our lives that renews and frees our hearts & spirits. I think that in the journey of our lives, we all go through trials, triumphs, circumstances, and events to grow us to get closer and closer to being able to love like that. We may never love perfectly, like God does, but we can evolve and continue to pursue that- to be able to perfectly love ourselves, others, and our Creator.

I wrote a poem earlier this year, entitled “Love Beyond Reason”. I was inspired by God and this person who I cherish & love dearly. I share it with you in hopes that it blesses you in a way that in growing close to perfect love, you grow closer to living & loving without barriers, without anything holding you back from all the gifts, beauty, and possibility you are meant to give and receive, the freedom of life.

LOVE Beyond Reason

You water the garden of my heart
With raindrops of love
Endless like time
Sweet whispers to my soul

I’m a reflection of light
That shined upon me
Immeasurable like space
Filling my whole being

It is my air
What gives me life
Boundless like the sky
Without meaning…simply is

Louder than sound,
quieter than thought
It ushers in hope…
The doorway of possibility

Spoken from my lips
It carries my dreams
The innocence of a child
The color of purity

Giving new sight
As bold as the wind
Unconquerable within
Allowing me to be free

I often sit down, reflect, pray and ask myself and God some hard questions about where I am in life, how I feel and confront areas that I like to call “blindspots”. What I mean by that term is that we often have areas of our life we don’t really see or understand because they are hidden from our consciousness but they greatly can affect our lives. To put it another way, there are things we know we know (like I know my name), things we know we don’t know (I know I don’t know how to build a car), but also the things we don’t know that we don’t know. *

It is in that last area (the things we don’t realize about ourselves, how things from our past truly affected us, assumptions and distortions we don’t realize we tell ourselves) that when we begin to tap into and discover what those things are and how they affect our decisions, what we do, how we deal with situations and other people that we can begin to transform areas of our lives where we feel un-empowered.

Like many people I know and I’m sure many of you, I’ve dealt with a lot of joys, success, pain, loss, and lessons that have transformed my life. I began to ask myself recently “what if anything do I still really fear?”

Though you may think I am used to it, I often get a lot of interest from men. I’m grateful that God made me an attractive woman and even more so a beautiful and loving person inside. However, I still get a little uncomfortable getting hit on in the grocery store, asked for my name & number walking down the street, or even the occasional friend that is trying to ‘hook me up’. I don’t date. I never have been one try and look for a guy or get hooked up. It’s always felt weird to me to go out with a person to SEE if we will like each other. I’ve always been more at ease in a situation where I’ve met or got to know each other more organically because of life circumstances. Personally, I’ve usually encountered friendships/relationships as a result of growing up, going to school, working with someone, or as a result of how we met, naturally there was a mutual interest that developed, not because we or one was trying to hook up.

I say all that because, recently when men have expressed interest, I’ve been asking myself if there a “blindspot” in my life that is possibly holding me back. First to be honest, some people I may just not be interested in. After beating myself up about why I don’t just get out and have fun, I had to say how I feel is how I feel so don’t force myself to do anything I don’t want to. If I’m not interested, I’m simply not interested. But I repeated that question…”Fredi, what are you afraid of?”

And I had a small light bulb moment. One thing I did come to realize is a great fear of mine is hurting other people. I am pretty comfortable with being vulnerable, and have had a lifetime to adjust and learn (though I don’t like to be) how to deal with being hurt. It can be excruciatingly hard. So the idea of laying that kind of pain on someone else or being the cause of someone else’s hurt, is my biggest fear. I avoid that like the plague. I know how I feel when I truly like, have an interested in, or have feelings for someone. And what I realized is that, when someone expresses interest that is not mutual or if I’m not sure if I am or even would be interested, I distance myself. I don’t want them to create an expectation where they may get hurt because I may only see them as a friend or just an acquaintance. It’s my way of trying to protect them.

So, I’m trying to challenge myself to simply express that. Instead of fearing hurting others, understand that I’m not always responsible for how someone may feel, as long as I’m honest about where I am. Something as simple as that allows me the freedom to be open, to not have to be distant, and simply be me.

Whew, I kind of feel like a weight is being lifted. Ok, so you may or may not be able to relate to my specific situation, but my question to YOU is “what do YOU fear that is holding you back?” And if you can’t get to that answer right away, try these:

– What do you do that has you holding back or frustrated?
– Why do you think you do those things?
– What action(s) do you think you could do differently that would allow you to be more free?
– What do you think could/would happen if you did those things?

I pray that in sharing this you may find in whatever area of your life your feel restricted (i.e. work, family, relationships, friendships, school) and may discover something that may be holding you back. Challenge yourself to step into a renewed space to be able to freely LIVE & LOVE OUT LOUD!!!

*From the Landmark Forum

Love Letter To Black Men

Love, Sex & Relationships – Pt 1: Setting BOUNDARIES

My Top 7 of 2012 & Noteworthy Biz’s for 2013

Conversations With God: Pt. 2

Walk In Love..EVERY Day

A Family Affair

Starting Your Own Biz: Reality Check Pt. 1

All about Hair: Let It Flo, Let it Fro, Cut or Let it Grow

LOVE Beyond Reason

Facing Fear So We Can Live & LOVE Out Loud