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I sometimes feel that the further I walk down the path where I feel I’m led or even the closer I get to God, the more challenging life seems…sometimes even the more unclear I feel. Yet, there are some powerful moments in that and this very day is one of them that I wanted to share.

Play this as your read further..

Honesty moment: At I times wonder will I get back to a time in my life where things seem so carefree, where things seem to coast, are very clear, things are going a certain way and it’s all good. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and the blessings of the people in it, things that I’m doing, how I’m able to touch & bless others. Yet, sometimes I think, when will I get to that point where I feel I’ve ‘made it’ in my work, I have the home I want and a certain level of stability in finances, the family and children I long for, and various other aspects of life, where I just see ‘it’. It being relative, I guess, whether a certain level of success or accomplishment, or those goals and desires…all those things can comprise of ‘it’.

Being at a point in my life the past few years, where I often feel like God is taking me on the accelerated course of spiritual lessons, growth, insight, and enlightenment, has been inspiring, deeply moving, sometimes draining, but yet freeing and fulfilling. Various occurrences and circumstances coming left and right have made for some serious shaping, that I often feel and even others have stated to me that they see is for something bigger in my life.

One of those lessons has been in learning to be comfortable with and to embrace the uncertainty. Though there are still the questions and things I wonder, which led to one powerful moment today, but first let me give a little background.

I’ve run 2 businesses and experienced a variety of successes in seeing their growth and living off them for over the last 10 years. I’ve had God bring and reveal people to me to be powerful friends and still those who’ve touched my life where my heart and spirit said this is the soul-tie of my life. I’ve had projects and prospects that I fed into with my entire being, because I truly believe in them. I’ve had opportunities open up where I just knew this is ‘it’.

And then things stopped. Brakes, pause, change of direction, some things still to be revealed…

And for a few years now, God has been carving out time for me to simply rest, to hear him, to feed into me deeper lessons, in which I gain patience, contentment, discernment, and even moreso, to surrender in a way I never foresaw.

It was during this time, I actually had the idea to start an inspirational blog a year before I launched F7LN.com. I kind of got excited for a moment but it didn’t happen then. What I find is that at times God may lay something on my heart (or in my head) and it’s like He taps me on the shoulder and whispers this thing in my ear, but then it take a few more taps that steadily get stronger and then some situations occur in my life where it becomes obvious that I’m meant to do this.

Some of the reasons it takes some time for me to do it, is because honestly I’m either:
1) Telling myself initially it’s just an idea, I’m not really sure it’s something I’m meant to do
2) thinking well, it’s not really moving me towards what I long for, what I desire
3) questioning is this really part of my purpose or not
4) feeling like it’s not always clear to do it right now

And I realize even that is fine, God just uses that time to speak to me louder and create circumstances where it becomes obvious, “yes, this is what I want you to do”.

And then it’s up to me to be obedient.

I want to share a more specific example:

These last few years, I’ve felt this tap on my shoulder (from God) to say, I should spend more time in helping to nurture the lives of my lil god-nieces & nephews. There are 6 of them, so needless to say it’s an undertaking, especially since they don’t live close by. My spirit says to take on more of a responsibility as if they were my own children, to give them more opportunities that would uplift and nourish their gifts as they get older. Though I spend time with them, get them for overnights, and talk to them via FB, chat, etc., I know they could benefit greatly from me being more involved in their studies, talking to them more and sharing things from my life that would feed into them emotionally, intellectually & spiritually.

With my busy schedule and the distance, it seems like a bigger challenge to make that happen. And still my own voice hasn’t deemed it as urgent. Part of me sometimes thinks I don’t have the money, the time, it’s too much, and ‘by the way God, what about the family I want of my own?’ Plus, there are all these other things I’ve felt led to do with youth that I work with, creative projects, and other things that I feel He wants me to do in the fulfillment of using all areas of my life to minister, inspire and love others. So, with that said, I’m only one person & how do I do all this?

In the midst of this, this weekend I got an opportunity to get some of my god-nieces/nephew in a summer camp, and still hope to get the oldest a summer job, but at the youth center where I manage/instruct various programs and close to where I live. I still don’t even know how this is going to work this summer, trying to get them back and forth, but it definite adheres what I’ve been discerning about spending more time with them and being able to pour into their lives more (they may end up partially living with me for the summer).

At times there is a resistance or hesitancy to move forward in what I’m being led and spoken to do. This is not because I don’t want to do it, but more because I don’t see it as part of the ‘it’ I mentioned earlier. Sometimes I don’t even know how I can. And typical me is always questioning, wondering, seeking.

I share all this to say, that during today’s church service this song (see above) was sung that touches me every time I hear it. The words invoke a spirit of freedom in relinquishing, as well as a deepening of faith. I couldn’t help but lift my arms with tears flowing, and ultimately even in the lack of clarity or uncertainty of my life & where it’s going, just know to say YES to what God wants me to do.

It’s truly a message in obedience, in trust and in surrendering to what God speaks to us and wants us to do (even when it doesn’t make sense to us, to our desires and longings, our lives). And in that He pours out blessings and does something AMAZING!

I pray this speaks to you in some way, have a blessed day.

I had to share this…about one person I love and admire so much. My cousin Paige aka “Queen Tut” is an awesome dance, remarkable person & true fighter. Despite all the things she deals with physically she is always positive, encouraging, and keeps pushing forward. To support her and to inspire you all, especially those that deal with physical pain, suffering and various diseases and conditions, I want to encourage you to read this short post, watch her awesome video commercial, and support (any amount is welcome) to a serious cause:

“Hello, My Name is Queen TuT from Queens NY. I’ve been diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematous since the age of 12. Since 15 I’ve worked as a dance/step & poetry teacher to kids, teens, adults, autistic & emotionally challenged community to spread the healing techniques of art. I’m a professional dancer, spoken word poet, photographer, videographer & artist. Throughout my life I have been troubled by Lupus even with my recent hospital admittance for lung failure due to Lupus complications. But I am now out of the Hospital. Recovering, South Street Seaport Surviving and Striving for a Better tomorrow. So please join my team & help me take one more step with those like me to finding a cure! Even If You can’t walk, watch the video or donate! Let’s go above & beyond!”

Queen Tut – dancer & choreographer, check out the video:

Support & donate to Team Tut for Lupus

May is Lupus Awareness month so ‘Put On Purple’ to spread the word and educate others & about lupus.

Queen Tut’s Website
Follow Queen Tut on Twitter

I love you Paige!!

Yesterday morning I got the news that an incredible young man who’s life I touched, who touch me with his kindness & helpfulness, just cheerful spirit, was shot & killed Tuesday night. I’m still trying to believe it. Kevin Ambrose, this bright, talented 19 yr old student who used to come to my program, InnovaTeen workshops, events, field trips & I would see grow up before my eyes into a caring, giving, promising young man, is gone.

Reading this article, even in what lead to his death, the fact that he was walking 2 blocks from his house to the ‘L’ to meet a friend because he didn’t want him to walk alone, tells of Kevin’s compassion.

It took me 3 hours to get it together yesterday. Every time I tried to get up and going into my day, I’d sit back down & cry. Just thinking..not him. In thinking of the continuous shootings & deaths, I asked myself & God “what else can I do?”, “what more am I called to do?” because I’m just too tired of seeing these incidents replayed in this city. I can’t take it anymore. My heart is tired of breaking for our children, this is something I refuse to get used to.

And though I am a faithful & God-trusting person, a moment of helplessness, hopelessness, and anguish set in because I’m frustrated in not knowing what more to do, even if I can do more.

My heart longs to do more to protect, nurture, give, love each and every child, but I recognize I am but one person & I can’t do it all, even if I desire to.

At the same time, I can’t fall into despair and think that working, building & lifting up our youth is in vain. No matter what we do, we may lose some, even those most cherished, but they are worth continuing to fight for and create the opportunity their greatness to shine.

As I drove around yesterday, seeing children & youth out walking, enjoying the afternoon dismissed from a half day of school, I couldn’t help but just take in their faces, them talking to friends, their swag as they walked down streets. In each of them I just saw so much possibility, their beauty & uniqueness. I started to tear up as I drove, because I was so touched as I saw in each of them, what I saw in Kevin.

I didn’t know how I was going to get through the day, with such heaviness laid on my heart. As I’ve been working non-stop on various projects and one that gives eighty 16-24 year olds employment for the summer, I had to prepare & facilitate their orientation yesterday evening. I thought about Kevin. I thought about the opportunities and excitement that these youth have and the potential to touch their lives, as he had.

And yesterday two of my friends, Jené & Gina seemed to speak volumes in their encouragement and echoed my thoughts. Despite it all, the craziness that seems to surround us, the losses that almost want to crush our spirit, we can’t stop. We make such a difference and must continue to do so.

When I think of the fact that Kevin gave his life for a friend, it shows how faithful and giving he was and in touching many lives. Even in his final actions, he inspired me, and hopefully you too, to continue to be so, as well.

Twelve years of taking care of natural hair, I must say has come with quite a bit of trial and error. Like many African American women, with getting a relaxer at age 12, I didn’t initially learn how to take care of my natural tresses. So making the decision to embrace my natural curls came with much excitement but also learning about my own body & hair and what works best to keep it healthy as well as to accomplish the styles and looks I want.

And trust me, over the years, I feel like I’ve tried sooo many different brands and types of products. A few weeks ago while talking to some teen girls about our hair patterns, the breakdown of different types of hair, and how various styles and products impact our hair, I pulled out a few books and products that I shared with them. So, I figured why not also share them online for those that may be starting their journey to grow out their natural hair or looking for different products or styles to try.

Not everyone is interested in studying and understanding the science, physical breakdown or the process of hair growth, however, if you are, here are a few books that I collected. These also include information on maintenance, hair care regimens, styling techniques, perceptions and attitudes towards natural Black hair, myths, common questions, and even the affects of diet & overall health.

“Let’s Talk Hair” – Pamela Ferrell
“Naturally Healthy Hair: Herbal Treatments and Daily Care for Fabulous Hair” – Mary Beth Janssen
“No Lye! The African American Woman’s Guide To Natural Hair Care” – Tulani Kinard
“Good Hair: For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Weave When Chemicals Became Too Ruff” – Lonnice Bonner
“Ultra Black Hair Growth II” – Cathy Howse

Throughout the last decade, name a brand and odds are I’ve used or tried it…Mizani, Pantene, Carol’s Daughter, Crème Of Nature, African Pride, Aveda, Ms. Jessie, Shea Moisture, are just a few. Though I still like trying new products, particularly as I take advantage of the versatility of different hair styles and ways to maintain them, here are a few of my current favorites:

Naked by Essations Honey & Almond Whipped Shampoo: a shampoo that cleanses without stripping your hair or leaving it dry while leaving the texture of my hair soft and quite luxurious.

Essations Moisture Sheen Conditioner: A conditioner that enriches my hair and works great as a deep conditioner, as well. This product is awesome for protecting your hair, especially when taking down braids or twists.

Kinky Curly Leave-In Conditioner: A conditioner that coats my hair and makes it easier to comb out and style while wet.

CHI Silk Infusion: This pomade is amazing! This product gives my hair a silky feel for ease of combing, detangling, styling, and even for pre-blow-drying.

Organic Coconut Oil: As many of us have grown up using grease to oil our scalp and hair, I now swear by coconut oil. It’s light enough to use every day to keep the scalp & hair moisturized and to add sheen. I love to massage my scalp with it at night. Though it solidifies depending on how cool you keep it, but you need only warm it in the microwave to liquefy. You can also put in a spray bottle to use as an spray oil. Plus it smells great.

La Easia-Diamond Shine Gelee: As someone who’s personally always hated hair jel, which never really worked great on my hair or edges to slicken or straighten back (unless I tied my hair down), this gelee was a surprising find. It’s one of the few products that allow me to slick back my hair with ease (even without a brush), while also giving it shine. You also don’t need much and will last the whole day without frizzing.

Feel free to post products you’ve used and what you think of them. I rarely straighten my hair and had found a sample of a product that was good for protecting hair from heat while also allowing for maintaining straightness for longer periods of time. However, I forgot what it was and am open to your suggestions.

I’ve also used a few products for when I twist my hair (small double-strand twists), but I’m also interested in others, particularly for twist out styles.

And fellas, please feel free to share any that you use. Guys must maintain their hair too.

With the various perceptions that people have of natural hair, relaxed hair, straight hair, extensions, short, long, and the like, your attitudes on hair and why are most welcome? And I do hope you will share… 🙂

Hey! Hey! It’s #RecordStoreDay…so, what are you diggin’ for & coppin’ today?

I decided to alter this story a little but take a read:

“One of my favorite stories is about a guy’s dog that fell into a dry well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the guy tried to figure out what to do for his poor dog. Finally, he concluded that the well was too deep, and it really needed to be covered up anyway. Besides, the dog was old, and it would be a lot of trouble to get him out of the pit. The guy decided that it was not worth trying to retrieve the animal, so he asked his neighbors to help him fill in the well and bury the dog.

They all grabbed shovels and began to toss dirt into the well. The dog immediately realized what was happening, and he began to jump, cry, and whimper horribly. Crying would be our normal response if somebody was mistreating us this badly, so this dog was responding the same way we would at first, but then he got real quiet. A few shovel loads of dirt later, the guy looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit the dog’s back, the dog would shake it off and step on top of it.

As the neighbors and the guy continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he continued to shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon the dog shook off the last shovel full of dirt, took a step up, and walked right out of the well. We can learn so much from this story. When trouble comes, if we will get still and listen, God will tell us what to do.”

I read this yesterday Joyce Meyer’s devotion and wanted to share as we all at times may deal with things thrown at us, on us, times when we are hurt by others, and things that are unfair, unjust or unkind. Keep pressing on, shake off those troubles that come our way that you may rise above them all.

*The original story is about a donkey and is from the Bible App daily devotional as well as her book ‘New Day, New You’ by Joyce Meyer

Many people reading the title of this post may assume that this would be about open relationships, casual dating, friends with benefits, or something along that line. I mean when someone says ‘no strings attached’, we tend to think of people wanting to have the freedom to do whatever they want with no commitment, however, in this case, I’m not referring to sex or casual relationships.

I’m talking about the answer to one basic question:
How do you love the people in your life and does your love come with strings attached?

Are you the person that shows people love when it serves a purpose for you? Do you stop loving someone when they do something you don’t like, they hurt you, or the relationship or friendship ends? Is your love based on some condition or come with expectations that must be met? Do we show love only when it’s convenient and easy?

Think about all the people in your life. Past and present.

It’s said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or for a lifetime. I can definitely see that in circumstances in my own life. And at the same time, let’s ask ourselves, in those instances, for that season, after that season was over, or in the midst of our continuing relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, did and do we still express love in words and deeds freely despite anything?

It’s just a question to ask yourself and think about. I’d like to think that we all desire love that’s unconditional, with no strings attached. That even with our flaws and imperfections, bad days and times we don’t meet others expectations, that we would still be loved and give love.

And if it is the case that you desire that from those whose lives has touched you, simply take some time to reflect on, are you one that offers that to others whose lives you touch?

With that, I’ll leave you with this:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others?” – Matthew 5:43-47

Be blessed…

Some people tend to associate April 1st with April Fool’s Day, a day of jokes, pranks, or poking fun. Well, this is no laughing matter, nor is the insane amount of violence taking place among the streets of the city of Chicago, as well as many other cities not just in the US but throughout the world. The increasing impact that it is having on our communities, especially our youth is becoming unbearable, so to see a group of youth decide to take a stance is a step forward in addressing this epidemic.

Project Orange Tree is an awareness campaign, created by Chicago Youth, to inspire change and evoke action against gun violence in Chicago. This campaign focuses on educating youth about violence and its roots (structural violence). It is completely ran by teens of Chicago and is in close affiliation with the Lupe Fiasco Foundation. They are using the color orange as their symbol for the same reasons deer or duck hunters wear orange vests when they go hunting — so as to not be targeted and shot by other hunters.

April 1 is when they are planning to launch their first series of campaigns, which revolve around awareness, solidarity and education. On that day, they are asking everyone in the city of Chicago to:

1) Wear or display something colored orange. Take a photo in your orange and post to twitter/instagram/fb #ProjectOrangeTree
2) In a move quite a bit more demanding, they are also asking everyone in Chicago who’s physically able to fast from sun-up till sundown, starting the morning of April 1 through the evening of April 4, the anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The idea behind the fasting being that we would be eating with those, who cannot eat because they have lost their lives to violence.
3) Join Project Orange Tree at Chicago State University @ W.U.R.D. Is Balm IV – MONDAY APRIL 1st 6 pm, as the youth build awareness about the violence impacting them and our community.

For more information on Project Orange Tree, follow @Pro_OrangeTree or email projectorangetree2013@gmail.com.

My last post referenced Proverbs 31, which speaks to a woman of noble character. As I sit here typing on my laptop with 3 children under my roof, one of my nieces laying here beside me in bed, I must admit it’s a extra special moment to feel the love, warmth and sense of responsibility of what I imagine many parents feel. Amongst our conversations tonight, I asked the girls if they understood why I call them queens. Within their perception of Disney princesses, it was obvious they weren’t quite clear why I did, which made for an interesting discussion. After sharing with them the Our Black Gold post and explaining to them how I see them and offering encouragement of how they should see, as well as the regard they should hold for themselves, I decided to post this image. As we stand tall, living & being the women we are meant to be, we serve by being an example and uplifting our children. I find it fitting as it is also Women’s History Month, so with that I dedicate this to the little girls, the young teens and ladies that I feel obliged to pave a way to their greatness. May they see, honor, and celebrate the Queen within…

Sometimes a man (or in a guy’s case, a woman) you might never expect, can turn out to be the love of your life. But how would you know? No, it is not his bank account, how often he takes you out, the kind of job or career he has, if you both ‘clique’, or what he can do for you, as I feel personally that is in some ways selfish & short-sighted.

Though this is written from my perspective as a woman, primarily for other single women, I think men will find it equally intriguing, at least I hope. My own thoughts about relationships and men go further in-depth and one of the final chapters of “Sex & the Soul of A Woman” by Paula Rinehart is pretty much in line with my own feelings. It is a book that I highly recommend for ANY woman, as its focus is more on the reflection of our past experiences, the value or ourselves & our bodies, rejuvenation of our own spirits, our sexuality and how we regard ourselves as women, however, ‘The Good Relationship’ chapter touches on a few insights as we look to share our lives with that special partner, including:

First, answering the question, “Can I trust this man?”, will determine whether you feel you should give your heart in any significant way to this person. This is often something that takes time to sense and discern.

It’s also important to note if he does what he says and says what he means. Look for his words, his feelings and actions to all be inline. Do his actions line up with his words? Does he treat you like a man would treat a woman he really cares for?

One quote from the book states, “It’s amazing how much STRENGTH is communicated through the quality of humility and especially the absence of an ego that requires continual feeding.” When a man let’s go of his pride/ego, God gives him a kind of strength that is rooted in something larger than himself.

More than being attracted to you, liking or being liked by your family or friends, or respecting your career, does he simple enjoy you? Does he like you, enjoy your mind & spirit? All of us long to feel that someone knows us deeply and still loves us truly.

“To love a woman requires that a man move out of his comfort zone. To commit oneself to a woman is incredibly exciting and attractive and at the same time can be terrifying, so is he willing to take the risk for the sake of love?”

Rinehart shares, “I’ve known situations where a man will be wonderful in many respects and get close to a woman and then get scared and drop off the face of the world. Some will even get up to the edge of making a commitment to a woman he valued, but then back away from the risk that love entails.”

A man you can trust will respond differently. Even in his leeriness or hesitation, when it comes time to battle with his fear, he will face it and move through it & become stronger in the process. He won’t string you along.

Three key things:

I absolutely love the scripture, Proverbs 31:10-18, which details the highest ideals of a woman. I honor it so much so that I have a photo of myself, with that scripture transposed over it, which is kept on my vision board. It is a daily look at how I see myself and how I want to continue to grow & be as a woman.

It wasn’t until I read “Sex and the Soul of A Woman”, where Ms. Rinehart points out the significance of the first 9 verses of Proverbs 31, indicating essential attributes that depict a solid character in a man.

Verses 1-3 note that we should beware of men who are womanizers or need to continual attention of women. Even great men are destroyed when they cannot be alone and without a relationship. This is a sign of dependency. “A man who gives his heart to God first will be able to love and serve a woman without being dependent on her.”

Verses 4-7 express that a lasting relationship cannot be built with a person that is dependent on an addiction, particularly one controlled by a substance (ie. drugs, alcohol)

And verses 8-9, particularly speak to my heart as it rings true for something I greatly value in my own life. When a man has grown to a point where he realizes his potential, his purpose and wants his own life to have an impact on others for good, for a cause that is bigger that his own self-interest. This in particular give me crucial direction in discerning the kind of man to join me in my life as he is one that has moved beyond himself, knows he was put on this earth for more than his own pleasure, and invited me to join him in something larger than us both.

I reference this in one of my favorite quotes from Rinehart’s book in the post entitled “You…Your Path…is Perfect!”

Though this post focuses on what one may hope to discover in a man that you may share your life with, it is essential that us as women center ourselves on having complimentary ideals in ourselves. To have qualities in yourself that you that you desire in a partner is just as vital for a solid relationship, as well as imperative in insuring you are a whole and complete person grounded in a foundation in which you are ready for that right person and that relationship. I embrace Proverbs 31 as the kind of woman I seek & choose to be and I encourage all to read it. And if you like this post, you will love, Ms. Rinehart’s book, so go cop it today!

Surrendering…Say YES!!

Put On Purple

For Kevin..Not Gon’ Stop

To Care & Thoughts To Air On Natural Hair

#RecordStoreDay…

Shake It Off…

No Strings Attached…

Support ‘Project Orange Tree’

Dedicated To Our Future Queens…

The Good Relationship Chapter